Day 2750 Proverbs 31 Lady

Oh hi y'all. How is every little thing? I know I have been away a long time. I have been busy y'all, Raising my family and looking after things,  Y'all know I read my Bible and I take it serious. But I don't think it hurts God's feelings too know there are some things that I just don't understand. Most times I'm reading along going yep, yep. But sometimes I come to a spot and I'm like what now? Come again? And I really think God is ok with that. One of those things is this awesome chick in Proverbs 31. If you are a woman who has been to church you probably heard about her. Y'all I'm not being mean but I don't think I like her too much. She is making the rest of us look real bad. She is getting up early and staying up late. Her husband just thinks she hung the moon. She has her own business and she runs the house and stuff. Y'all she a'int even afraid when winter comes because her kids are clothed in scarlet. She is buying fields bringing food from far away. She is a wife of noble character and that is hard to find y'all. Her children rise up and call her blessed. How is she doing all this stuff? I mean I'm over here making nachos out of taco shells and cheese sticks because I haven't had time to run to the store and she is burning the midnight oil and up at dawn. One time my aunt told me this was this woman over a life time. This all didn't just happen on a Monday that she was doing all this stuff. I really don't know. But when I read all the crap she is pulling off I seem to fall way short. I mean her children rise up and call her blessed. I guess her 8 year old didn't write "Mom is a dick fuck shit captian" with side walk chalk on the front walk. Granted my son has some special challenges but still. I get the feeling this proverbs 31 chick has her poop in a group and I am not like her. I mean when it snows she is unfazed. I am looking all around trying to make sure everybody has boots and gloves, freaking out about my car not having good tires. And don't get me started on that husband of hers respected so well at the city gate. Uh uh y'all that ain't happening over here. I think about my messy house and my messy life and all the ways I fall short as a mother and a woman. And I don't get why God wants me to know about this super woman. Ill never be her. Then I back up a few verses and I read this Before King Lemuel's mom tells him to find an awesome wife like this woman of noble character she tells him this "Speak up for those who can not speak for themselves for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly. Defend the rights of the poor and needy". Maybe I'll never understand the wife of noble character until I get to glory. Maybe someday I will. Right now she just really annoys me. Like one of those awesome pintrest moms who has it all together. You know the kind who make paper chains with their kids when they go on road trips and cut off a loop for every hour they travel so they can see the progress of their trip and predict how long until their destination. Meanwhile I'm tossing fruit snacks in the back seat like a mad woman and shouting "quit your whining. We'll be there when we get there! Jimminy!" But here is what I do know. Old Lemuel's mom didn't say to him speak up for those who cant speak for themselves when you have your shit together. Defend the poor and needy if you think its not too much for you. She just said do it. With no condition. In fact all thru the bible God always seems to pick from the back of the line. Moses be my spokes person. But God don't you know I have this speech problem. Jesse where is your youngest littlest son David. I want him to be king. Peter I am going to build my church on you. You are the rock. But Jesus didn't you see me cut off that guys ear? Didn't you hear me deny I even knew you? Then I think about my own life. People tend to tell me lately that I have more on my plate than I can handle. Five kids is a lot for a single mom, These kids really need a dad. What you are getting a dog? You cant do that. Its too much. And lately our family has been thru some very tough times. Some people tell me I'm in over my head. And a lot of days I feel like that. I picked this life and you will never hear me complaining.But raising 5 children all with a trauma history most exposed to drugs and alcohol pre birth was never going to be easy.  So why do I do it? I could stay in the shallow end for sure. But way out here in the deep end, in over my head. That's where the needy are. That's where the ones who cant speak  for themselves are. In school IEP meetings and hospital emergency rooms and medication management meetings on football fields and at school dances. Laughing over silly things, cooking  meals, making  up funny jokes, temper tantrums and melt downs in the front yard for all the neighbors to see. Singing songs at bedtime, playing with our puppy this is the deep end of life and that is where I was called to be. And not when I am finished being  hot mess and I have my financial situation under control and I get a hnndel  on this house work or find a husband who is respected at the city gate. Right now. Today. When I don't always know what I am doing or how its all going to play out. What's your deep end. It's probally not like mine but you have one. Stop waiting until you can get it all right before you jump in. That day will never come. Lets go y'all.