Month in Review

Y'all I have been at this for a month now! And I haven't even quit. I thought I would take a minute and update my list. I made myself a goal sheet for each one of the 50 things on my list. Then I broke the goal down into steps with target dates and tasks to be complete in order to meet the goal. How is it going you ask? I know you didn't ask but you know me well enough to you you don't have to ask for me to tell you. I think its been a pretty good month y'all. So here it goes.

1. Ted Talk - No progress at all.

2. Carl Jensen Project -. I have collected 10 Carl Jensen names from the white pages and purchased some nice stationary to write letters. I have not written any letters because I don't know how to  sound like a curious and interested person and not a creepy stalker.

3. Welcome bags - I have worked hard on this goal. I talked to the president of the foster parent association. She told me that the problem is not putting the bags together for kids but finding storage for the supplies. We have made plans to meet together and transfer some of the supplies to a new location. She mentioned that it would helpful if people wanted to donate personal items for the welcome bags. I created an Amazon wish list and as soon as I remember my password I will share it. My hope is to make 50 welcome bags. 8 infant bags, 8 toddler bags, 8 preschool bags. 9 school aged bags. 8 preteen bags and 9 teenage bags. If you can donate one item that is terrific. If you can donate multiple items even better. If you are in a position to fill a whole bag that is amazing. If you can't afford to buy anything but want to donate man power that is great too. I will be posting the wish list soon on my Facebook page.

4. Home improvement- There is still a lot to be done around this house. But I'm starting to make a little head way. I took some broken screens to the hardware store and had them repaired. I priced some new tile for my entry way and bathroom. I bought a sturdy baby gate for the stairs so Walter can't go upstairs when I'm not home and be naughty. Most important I called a handy man service. It's been so nice of my friend Steven to help me. He does excellent work. But He has a busy life. So I'm supposed to get a call from the handy man this week.

5. Weight loss - Oh y'all. I'm really falling down on this one. I have not been following my eating plan. I lose three pounds and then gain it back. Its the cooking that does me in. I really like to cook. But I don't have time. Piano lessons, doctors appointments, church. Seems like there is some activity everyday of the week.And maybe I need to simplify my menu. Work in progress y'all.

6. Shave my head - Y'all I really want to do this. But I'm scared. My target day is May 30th. When people hear that I plan to do this the squench up their face and say why. Because I think it would be very liberating and I have always wanted to do it. But I have been afraid of peoples reaction. But y'all I looked up pictures of chubby bald women and then I got scared. Lord help me I'm still going to do it.

7. Beach vacation - No progress.

8. Save money every month - I started off so strong y'all. I felt so big and tall putting money in my savings account. What a grown up thing to do. But y'all, my hand to Gods ear I don't know what happened. Pretty soon I needed a little here and a little there and all of the sudden I had ten stinking dollars in my savings account. I have had some really large, unavoidable expenses this month. But I decided to comb over my bank statement with a fine tooth comb. I got out the highlighters y'all. Know what I found out? I waste a lot of money on fast food and target runs. I plan well but I don't stick with the plan. I'm going to keep on keeping.

9. Write a letter every week - So far I have written a letter to my friend Amy Dunn, Andrew, Ariel. my Auntie Kathy and my sister Julie. It did start off rocky when I forgot to put postage on Amy's letter and it was returned. So I threw a stamp on it and tossed it back in the mail only to have it returned again because the envelope was shiny and the post office dosen't like that so they wanted 15 more cents. So I slapped another stamp on there and away she went. Ain't nothin going to slow my roll.

10. Train Walter - I signed Walter up with a trainer that work with dogs who are not puppies and have learned bad habits. Next Saturday is our big day. I dream of the day I can take Walter to the dog park and he doesn't freak out on all the people and other dogs. The class cost $187! Holy Hannah! But I think its worth it. And the teacher is available for follow up if things are not going well. did it y'all.

11. Teeth - I did it y'all. I went to the dentist for the first time in ten years. This is the one that scared me the most. I don't like the dentist. Who does. Its going to cost a crap ton of money. But I like my teeth and I want to keep them forever.

12.Friend Party - I made a guest list.

13. Take my vitamins every day - Y'all. I am doing it. Have not missed a day. So proud. Then my doctor told me i'm doing it wrong. Not enough iron and it needs to be taken with vitamin c for absorbtion  and Also not enough Vitamin D. So I fixed that y'all and also I am taking a slew of other vitamins that my weight loss doctor recommended. Michael was smelling all my vitamins the other day and he took a big wiff of fish oil and gagged. It was comic.

14. Fix my legs -  Well y'all I feel like an 80 year old woman wearing those dang compression stockings. Not at all like the beautiful, sexy lady on the box. And if another well meaning lady tells me she had to wear those when she was pregnant I might scream. Not really. Because y'all are nice and just trying to help me. But I'm going to have my vein study done on Friday and make a plan for treatment for these old lady legs of mine. Likely it will include surgery and a crap ton of money. But that's ok. Because I like my legs and I want to keep them.

15. Blog every week - Here I am Y'all.

16. Write a book - I'm journaling and taking notes and pictures. Collecting stories.

17. Organize - So far I have organized my laundry room, bathroom and my closet and bedroom. I hoped to have the kitchen and the garage done by now. But sigh. Life happens.

18. Volksmarch 2020 - No progress.

19. Buy a bike - No Progress

20. Post one thing from Pintrest everyday - This has been kind of fun. Haven't missed a day.

21. Exercise 30 minutes every day - Oh Y'all. Just no. I gave up running on the treadmill and picked up the jump rope. I went to a training a while ago that included how jumping rope was very good for your brain health. Especially if you are not a neurotypical person. I really suck at jump roping. No I mean  I am really bad. Starting out I could not jump four times in a row with out tripping or missing. If I count out loud it goes better. After two weeks I can jump 20 times with out missing. Its not much but I'm improving. It gets my heart rate up and makes me sweat. And my kids love it.They love to see their mom active and trying new things. They want to be involved and cheer me on and they want to try it too. And I keep trying and trying and trying.

22. Print 50 pictures every month - No pictures printed.

23. Make over - I called that make up store, Ulta. I have never set foot in there but I assume they sell nice make up. I called and asked about a make over. $60 for a full make over. I'm mulling it over. If I'm going to be bald I better learn this stuff. Then the perky lady who sounded about 12 said I really should also have my lashes done for 10 extra dollars because the look would not be complete with out it. Honey no. Leave my eye lashes and my eye brows alone.

24. Family photo shoot - no progress

25. Solo week end get away - No progress

26. Write down all my food and spending - I need to do better about this. I have been writing down my weight and how much money I actually have in the bank every morning. But it would be better if I wrote what I actually consumed and what I actually spent each day.

27. Read 50 books - So far I have read 3 books. Magical Thinking by Augustine Burroughs, Dead End Gene Pool by I cant remember the author and Girl Was Your Face by Rachel Hollis.

28. Pay off all debt except the house - No progress

29. Free garage sale - No progress

30. Facebook introductions - My friend Andrew sent me a text after the first on saying I was a very weird lady. You better watch it man. You know I'll get a ladder and climb up there and throat punch you. So far I have introduced 4 sets of people.

31. Family day once a month - Last month we went to the library. I admit that wasn't very exciting. Tomorrow we have to go to Sioux Falls for some medical appointments so we are staying at a hotel with a water park. woot.

32. Increase retirement - Talked to my boss and I have to wait until open enrollemt in January.

33. Family date night- Of all my ideas this one has been the absolute best. Every Friday one kid gets to be in charge of planning and executing family date night. We have had fort night, snow ball night and make your own pizza night.

34. Shoot a gun - No progress

35. No tv except on Sundays - I changed the day to Saturday but I have been very faithful and only watched tv once a week. It has freed up a lot of time I didn't know that I had. Also has made me realize how much time my kids spend watching tv.

36. Celebrate international mud day - No progress

37. Christmas in July - No progress

38.Lemonade Project - No progress

39. Redecorate the house - No progress

40. Go to my primary care doctor - Goal met! I went to the doctor, got my lab work done, got my referral for my legs, got a prescription for the dreaded compression stockings and I was out of there. I followed up on the labs and I am still anemic and still have a vitamin D problem.

41. Hire a maid - I hired her. She is me. I got the job. No seriously. This sounded like a good idea at the time. I am so embarrassed about the way my house looks most of the time. I just can not keep up. I know I have a tribe of children to help me. They don't help me. But I called around about maid services and I just cant justify spending that amount of money when I am trying to get out of debt entirely. Its too much.I have to do it myself. Have too.

42. Ask my cousin to paint my dog - No progress

43. That personal goal I didn't want to talk about - If you know me you know this goal was about a person and not a thing.I don't know if you have ever been in a situation like mine. Chances are you are smarter than me and you haven't. But is there someone in your life who was not right for you. And you knew it. But you just could.not get over it. You just could not let this person go. Moving on is the toughest thing. All my friends are rolling their eyes right now because they have heard more times than they can count that I was going to change. That I'm too old for this crap. That this was really it. But here is the thing. This is really it. I'm done with this unhealthy shell of an empty non relationship. Letting go is not the same as giving up.

44. Weekend trip with my pal Sam - No progress. Except to tell Sam she is going on a trip with me for our birthday.

45. Fabulous Christmas - I made an Amazon list and a pintrest board

46. Read my Bible everyday- I have been reading my one year Bible everyday. Seems like every time I sit down to read a ruckus starts up between my children and I have to yell "Jesus be near me! If you don't shut up that racket while I am reading my Bible I'm going to thump you!" But i'm getting it done. I have to admit rereading Jeremiah has been a little frightening.

47. Take one walk per week - No walks taken. I moved the day from Friday to Sunday. But i still don't take the walk. In my defense it is cold and windy.

48. Random Act of kindness - I have done three acts.



49. Take a picture of myself everyday. I never realized how much nicer I look when I smile.

50. 50th party - No progress

Evan

Tori's pumpkin

The annual carving of Scary Steve

Evan and Walter

All of the clothes I can't wear unless I lose weight

Pizza date night

Pizza date night

Pizza date night

Day 25 The Wall

Oh y'all. It's been a heavy week. You knew it would happen. Not everyday is roses and not every week brings progress. But Lord y'all. Yesterday I had it. I recently went away for a few days for a work training in Montana. My children don't adjust well to me being gone. Especially the younger ones. They wonder down deep in their bones if I am really coming back. They know loss. Its not so bad when I'm gone. I have great support (thank you from the bottom of my heart Ariel) But the coming home. Boy Howdy. The behavior is over the top. But sometimes I must go. And we always find our way back to our brand of normal. But yesterday I just hit the wall. Tired. The kids had yet another day off of school. Dante wanted to make hot chocolate in the Keurig. Only he likes his with milk. So he filled the Keurig with milk. The dishwasher is still broken and probably will be for a while. Then Walter ate the dinner off the table when I wasn't looking and I tripped when I was jumping rope and despite my best efforts I messed up my checking account. I did go to the doctor and got my blood work done. And was told I have to wear the dreaded compression stockings. But I got a referral for my legs. I went to the dentist and found I, after a life time of no cavities, I now have four. And I need about $1200 worth of dental work done. So much for my savings. So I was feeling quit sorry for myself. I wanted to throw my jump rope down and storm off to my room and slam the door like a dramatic teenager. Then I looked over at my 14 year old son eating pop corn and watching tv on the couch. And it dawned on me what day it was. Two years ago to the day. My son tried to take his life. Tears filled my eyes as I recalled the worst day of my life. I called my son over to me and told him that I was thinking about that day. I told him that I was so proud of him and how hard he had worked to come back from that place. And although the road has not been smooth I am so thankful to have him with me. He kissed me on the head and swiped my hot chocolate off of the table and went back to watching tv. Suddenly all the inconveniences seemed trivial. I'll get it done. Little by little. Hug your babies y'all and appreciate what you have. Until next week. Over and out.

Dentist

Doctor

Somehow I don't think they will look this sexy on me

Can't forget John Mayer's birthday

Fifty things I don't like. Fight me.
1. Katchup
2. Grammar Nazis (Sorry mom. I love you.)
3. Dog hair
4. Itchy skin
5. Salsa
6. Cold feet
7. Wind
8. People who don't say what they mean
9. People who say what they mean, but rude
10. broken pencils
11. Things over my face
12. Rats, mice and rodents
13. Music with no words
14. Pictures with no people
15. Being woken up from a nap for no good reason
16. Churches with out grace
17. Chewing on a sucker stick or a popsicle stick
18. Arrogance
19. Being bossed
20. Clothes that shrink in the dryer
21. Adult coloring books
22. Daylight savings time
23. Car repairs
24. Fancy shoes
25. Online dating
26. These movies: All dogs go to heaven, The Mask, Unforgiven, The Crying game
27. These songs: Old Town Road, Any song by Drake
28. Exercising
29. Being licked by my dog
30. Mean girls
31. Emotionally unavailable men (Who am I kidding. I love those guys. Lol)
32. Junk mail
33. Scary Movies
34. Tight pants
35. Underwear
36. Socks
37. Cold sores
38. People who talk during church, movies
39. Coats
40. Getting up early
41. Songs that get stuck in your head
42. When people flake
43. Being lost
44. Make up
45. Fake finger nails ( On me. They look pretty on you.)
46. Missing people
47. People who are not flexable
48. Neck pain
49. Sleep Apnea
50. injustice

On the 18th Day

Exercise

Snowballs

The fight is on

Crazy Fun

Dante and the Dishes

Walter the Reindeer

Funny Michael

Happy Mom

Sage because Walter get all the glory

Hi Y'all. The house is a mess. But I don't even care. Its been a good week. Michael even fixed our stuck letter Z.  We had our second date night and for the life of me I don't know why we have not always been doing this. The theme this week was snowballs. The timing was perfect since we got our first snow storm of the season that same day. The 15 year old started in with his grumbling and complaining again. Stupid baby stuff. I told him I got some frozen (Let it go Frozen. Not freezer frozen) brownie mix and he got excited.  First he said "No way. I'm never eating Brownies again" If you know the brownie story you know why. If you don't it's a knee slapper. I'll have to tell you another time. He likes to cook. I told him the only rule about the brownies was that he had to execute the recipe with no help from me and he had to let his little sister help. They took right to it.

Decided they wanted to do it their own way and not follow the recipe exactly. They had so much fun. Christmas music playing in the background ( I'm one of those people). Chris and Tori cooking and Dante at the table wadding up balls of newspaper and wrapping them with tape for our epic snowball fight. I had my doubts y'all about this snow ball fight. I thought it would end like every Nerf war, board game, basically most things that we try to do together as a group. With somebody crying because somebody went too far. Or somebody ticked off because they didn't win. But y'all it was so fun. Running, chasing. No one crying. Everyone laughing. That's rare for this family full of adhd kids. At the end I said game ends in 10, 9, 8 and threw my hands in the air all of the kids pelted me with the remaining snowballs and it was over.
Another idea I had this week was inspired by parent teacher conferences. I told the kids at dinner that I needed to schedule a conference with each of them individually in my room for 15 minutes. When each of them came in I had the Uno cards out and shuffled and we played a hand of Uno while we chatted about school and friends and grades and life. That short 15 minutes was really meaningful.  I think. Although when I asked Tori if she had a magic wand and she could change one thing in her life what would it be she answered "I would have a mom and a dad who was a spy and a talking spy dog" Too many Spy kid movies for that kid.
I decided to switch it up on the exercise. I really don't like the treadmill so its hard for me to make myself do it. I went back to jump roping. I like it because I can do it right down stairs with the kids. And they like getting involved too. I really suck at it. I miss all the time and mess up. But I figure I am teaching my kids persistence and resilience by learning from failure and not giving up. All the "Mom you are really bad at jump roping" statements have turned into "You got this mom. Just one more. Maybe if you do it this way it will help" Kinds of statements. We are learning problem solving together.
Don't think it's all roses over here. This house is still a mess (except the laundry room, my room and my bathroom. Nobody better mess up what mamma just cleaned and organized). And there some evening where I'm just tired and I have to force myself. And to be honest eating good food has been a struggle. Some days I rock it and some days I hit the Taco Bell. But I'm not being mean to myself y'all. I'm getting there. Because between of piano lessons and homework and mental health appointments and church and haircuts and teenage angst and IEP meetings and med checks I'm getting it done y'all. I'm making the calls. I'm talking the vitamins, I'm taking time for myself to enjoy books. I am appreciating my friends. I'm making time for my kid. I am loving life right now and its rubbing off on my kids. Some of you know my son, Dante, has FASD and sometimes life is a struggle for him and for me. The past three weeks or so it seems he has just been triggered by everything. Melt down after melt down after melt down in an endless loop. It has been hard on us. But this week has been so much different. I know there will be rough times again. That's the nature of FASD. But for now it feels good.  One of the reasons is that he has discovered dish washing. Our dish washer died and Dante has been volunteering to wash the dishes by hand in exchange for time on the computer. The sensory experience of water and soap is calming. And the pride of working hard shows. I think I am more relaxed and able to cope and that helps as well. Not always. This morning I about had a melt down myself when I could not find something I was looking for and Christopher refused to take his medicine because it was "gooey" and the dog was barking. I kicked a chair y;'all. I had to say I was sorry for not using my coping tools. The kids were all "calm down and breath mom, man." But most of the time when my attitude is better so is theirs.   More to come y'all. Stay tuned. My list of 50 tonight? 50 great recording artists:
1. John Mayer
2.Joni Mitchell
3. Alan Jackson
4. Alison Krauss
5. Anita Baker
6. Carly Simon
7. Chris Burns
8. Dan Fogelberg
9. DC Talk
10. The Dead South
11. Dwight Yoakam
12. Eric Clapton
13. Garth Brooks
14. Glen Campbell
15. George Ezra
16. John Denver
17. Terry Talbot
18. Johnny Cash
19. Keith Green
20. Kenny Chesney
21. Lifehouse
22. Marty Robbins
23. Matthew Ward
24. Michael Jackson
25. Mylon LeFevre
26. Nancy Cassidy
27. Nickel Creek
28. Patsy Cline
29. Quiency Jones
30. Randy Stonehill
31. Randy Travis
32. Sara Groves
33. Oden Fong
34. The Statler Brothers
35. Steve Taylor
36. Steven Curtis Chapman
37. Stevie Wonder
38. Sting
39. Susan Ashton
40. They might be giants
41. Toby Keith
42. Todd Agnew
43. Tracy Chapman
44. Waterdeep
45. Waylon Jennings
46. The Wealthy West
47. Weird Al
48. Willie Nelson
49. The Wiggles
50. Sixpence None the Richer

Team work Makes the dream work

Tori helps out

11 Days In

The fort

Hi y'all. This is the first of my weekly updates on my Project 50. I'm 11 days in and still going strong. It hasn't been all smooth sailing but I'm still swimming. Lordy Pete y'all. I must be the laziest sun of a gun you have ever run across. I just hate to exercise. I used to do it all of the time so I know I'll get used to it again. But man. The excuses I can come up with to put off climbing those stairs and getting on that treadmill. As far as self care goes I've been a rock star this week. I've made an appointment with my dentist and my primary care doctor. and I have taken my vitamins everyday. Been reading my Bible and my library book everyday. Y'all I organized my laundry room/pantry. I took everything out and started from scratch and it looks so pretty. My kids know I am serious because they haven't thrown one stitch of clothes on the floor for a week. Now I have started on my bathroom. We had our first family date night. Epic fort night. I used craft stick and wrote down all the date night ideas and let the kids draw a stick out of the jar to decide what we will do next. When I did it I imagined their eyes would sparkle and they would thank me for coming up with clever ways for us to enjoy spending time together. My 15 year old drew out his stick with a simple idea of taking a night time walk with flashlights. This was perfect for him because he loves flashlights and has bout a dozen of them. I thought he would be happy. Instead he dropped the stick and rolled his eyes and said "cant you come up with more age appropriate activities? I'm 15 years old. I don't want to take a walk. Its not what teen agers do." I tried to explain to him that every  idea does not have to be elaborate. Just look for ways for us to spend time together. Teen agers don't walk? He huffed to his room muttering things about baby stuff and being treated like an adult. okie dokie then. My nine year old seemed to understand that my feelings were bruised. So he sat by me at the table and rubbed my back mummering "I'll take a walk with you mom. I'll take a night walk"  I worked a little on home improvement. My friend Steven has been helping me because let's face it y'all, I'm not handy.  I'm clumsy and I break stuff. Home maintenance  and repair are not in my wheelhouse. So he has been replacing blinds and screens and fixing door knobs and hinges. Mostly I have been making lists and picking up supplies and following him around watching him while he does the work. But I feel like we (and by we I mean Steven) are making progress. I have written two letters and matched up 2 facebook friends. I started on my welcome bag project and my carl Jensen project. For the first time in years I put money in my savings account. I signed Walter up for naughty dog classes. All in all not a bad start. I am also keeping in mind that this is real life. Tonight we are waiting out a blizzard. School has been cancelled for tomorrow. So instead of working on my list We are drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream and squirting it in each others mouths. We are watching movies in blankets on the floor and talking about what fun stuff we could do tomorrow. Because I want to be consistent and meet my goals. But I also want to be present and enjoy the moments in front of me. I'll leave you with a list of 50 for the week. Not fifty ways to leave your lover. Fifty ways for you to discover ...
Fifty things I love:
1. The smell of sunscreen
2. When my very big boys come into my room to hang out and talk
3. Road trips
4. John Mayer (You knew that)
5. Seeing my favorite books on the shelf at the the library. Like meeting an old friend
6. When my dog lays his head on my chest to wake me up in the morning. I act annoyed but I like it.
7. Songs that remind me of childhood
8. Doing impressions of people
9. Public speaking
10. Making lists
11. The notes my children write me
12. Sitting in hot tubs
13. Announcing the first gift of Christmas on Christmas morning ( Like on the Polar Express)
14. Holy moments - When something happens and you know in the deepest part of you that it was a moment designed by God. A conversation, an event, a meeting, an occurrence that The Holy Spirit just breathed on. Even if you don't  believe in God you have had these moments that you know are bigger than you.
15. McDonald's coffee
16. Mayonaise
17. Forgivness
18. Best friends
19. Inside jokes
20. Learning from my mistakes
21. The smell of cigarette smoke - I don't smoke. I haven't for almost 19 years. I never will again. But I like the way cigarette smoke smells
22. Singing in my car really loud
23. Journals, note pads, stationary, pens, pencils
24. Being outside in the middle of the night when the world is asleep
25. Pinterest
26. A certain man
27. Parties
28. Google - always helping me with the spelling of words and the directions. Thanks Google
29. My friend Andrew who loves me even though I am a dork and always makes fun of John Mayer
30. The beach
31. Hotels
32. The pastors who have influences my faith and my life and made me want to go after God. Pastor Cleetus - Even though our paths have divided and we don't remotely believe the same things anymore. I am greatful for a time when I believe we did see eye to eye  and things were different. Pastor Aaron - who found me when I was broken. Pastor Jeff - Who uncovered my incredible stubborn streak and softened my need to always be right. And Pastors Brent and Tani - Who always believed in me.
33. Soft blankets
34. Hearts
35. The gift of a daughter
36. All of the people who were parents to me. Including Aunts and grandmothers and step parents and birth parents and mothers and fathers of my own choosing
37. The color yellow
38. Narnia
39. The gift of reading. It came very late for me. But oh the places I have been and the things I have learned from books
40. Facebook
41. John Oliver (Sorry my conservative friends. He's funny as heck and mostly right on point)
42. Christmas
43. The 4th of July
44. Work trips
45. Cool old houses
46. This really old show that used to come on PBS staring Sam Waterson called I'll Fly Away. Best show ever.
47. Cutting to the chase
48. Mercy and Grace
49. The river of souls (stole that from the one and only Randy Stonehill) running through my life who add to the beauty (stole that from the one and only Sara Groves) and make this life half as hard and twice as good (Sarah Groves again).
50. My children

Exercising

Laundry room before

Laindry room after

Project 50

Hi y'all. It has been almost 10 years since I started this blog. Back then I was  staring down the barrel of forty and my life was a mess. So I resolved to make some changes. Here I am ten years later chasing fifty. Everything has changed and nothing has changed. I got a divorce. Adopted three more kids. Lost 106 pounds. Gained 50 of it back. I bought a house, got a job. I loved and lost. Got a dog. I've been a lot of places. Had a lot of laughs. Shed a lot of tears. Lost some rally good friends. Gained a ton of really great ones too. But after all this time I'm still me y'all. I'm still messy and unorganized. I'm still funny and creative. I'm still really bad with money. I still have a heart as big as Texas. I still want to get my shit together. It's been my goal for as long as I can remember. I want to balance work and home. I want to be the best mom and still take care of myself. I want manage things better. Don't we all. So here I am. 49 years old. Lacking in so many areas. Feeling like time is slipping thru my fingers. And once again I find myself reflective. I have decided to make a list of 50 things to do before I'm 50. A bucket list of sorts. But I don't like to call it that because it sounds too cheesy and over played. So for now I'm calling it project 50. Fifty ordinary and extraordinary things that I hope to accomplish in 52 weeks. Some of them are year long projects. Some of them are things to do everyday. Some of them are one time events. Some of them you wont understand because they are personal. So I'll do my best to explain. I'm sitting here at my computer with the stuck letter -I cant even type it because its stuck- last letter of the alphabet. In my coffee cup pajamas. with all of these ideas floating around in my head. Who knows how this all plays out.  Do I know if this will be life changing? No idea. Do I think it will be interesting? You bet. So here is the list. Let's go. Y'all. Times a wasting.

1. Apply to give a Ted Talk - The Subject? Get Your Shit Together.

2. Carl Jensen project - This is a complicated idea. Bear with me. A long time ago my kids were bugging me about what my boyfriends name was. I don't have a boyfriend so I made up a name- Carl Jensen. It's become a family thing. I even now have three FB friends named Carl Jensen. Thru the years I have wondered about all the random people in the world named Carl Jensen. How different and similar are their lives? What are they like. Not in a stalkerish way, just with curiosity and interest, I plan to write to as many Carl Jensens as I can find and see if they will write back and tell me about their lives. We will see where this cra y idea goes. I think people genuinely like to share about themselves if they trust that the person asking means them no harm.

3. Welcome bag project - Kids coming into foster care often have nothing but the clothes they are wearing and the few things they can grab on the way out the door. It might be a day or so before the foster family can assemble the things a child needs. Its nice for kids to get a welcome bag with a tooth brush, maybe a stuffed animal, clean under wear. Something to call their own. My kids still have the blankets that came in their welcome bags and they are a real connection to the before in their lives. Michael still sleeps with his (don't tell him I told you) and he is 14. The foster parent association usually provides these bags. I would like to help collect supplies, assemble bags and store items.

4. Lose 50 pounds - I can do this. I have 28 pairs of pants I can not wear. Keto diet works best for our family. Hard work and dedication. I can do this.

5. Home improvement - I have lived here 9 years. My kids are rowdy. My dog is cra y.  I am messy. There are a lot of broken, worn out things here.

6. Shave my head- I have always said I wish it was socially acceptable for women to  shave their heads. I hate my hair.Maybe it will grow back better. Will it look good? Maybe not. Who am I trying to impress? May 30th. I'm doing it.

7. Beach vacation - May 31 - June 6th I am renting a beach house in Florida and the kids and I are going.

8. Save money every month - I have a specific amount in mind to save every month. I have never been able to save money. Ever. I am paying myself first every pay check and determined to save.

9.Send a letter a week to a friend (Snail mail) - I love to write letters. I love to get letters. If you get a letter from me this year its because you are on the list of the top 52 most important people in my life. Feel special.

10. Train Walter - Walter is a great dog. But like his master he lacks self control. I have signed him up for a class for difficult dogs. My goal is to be able to take him for a walk with out him yanking my arm off. And to teach him to stop barking at strangers.

11. Fix my teeth - I havent been to the dentist in 10 years and my teeth need attention

12. Have a friend party- I am having a party and inviting all my closest friends.

13. Take all of my vitamins every day - I have anemia and a vitamin D deficiency. I am supposed to take a lot of vitamins since my gastric surgery. I need my vitamins. Every day.

14. Fix my legs - Have vein disease in my legs. The blood pools in my legs and does not circulate properly. I was supposed to have surgery to help fix this a long time ago. But I blew it off. Time to take care of me.

15. Blog every week - hi Y'all

16. Write a book - I am documenting and writing everyday. I hope to take the end result of Project 50 and turn it into a book.

17. Organi e all the cabinets, drawers and closets in my house - Just because someone is messy and unorgani ed does not mean that they don't hate clutter and mess and wish they could be different. I hate my closets, drawers and cabinets.

18. Complete the fall 2020 Volksmarch - in 2017, when I was 50 pounds lighter, I completed the Volks march with my friend Bob. I went right up to Cra y Horses head. I want to do it again.

19. Buy a bike - I have not been on a bike since 2005. I want to enjoy bike riding with my kids.

20. Post one interesting thing from my pinterest  board everyday - I have a lot of interesting shit on pinterest that I never look at. If I share something new everyday it makes me look at my ideas.

21. Exercise 30 minutes every day - I think this is the hardest thing for me. I hate exercise. And finding the time to do it is difficult. Last week I was trying to run on my tread mill. Walter was barking, Tori was talking non stop. Dante was having a tantrum, Michael was sulking because I yelled at him and Evan was having poop issues.Christopher was watching tv with the sound so loud I'm surprised his ears were not bleeding. Impossible I said. So I quit. But I know its important and its on the list. So get er done.

22. Print all the pictures from my phone and do something with them - I have a bout 1500 pluse pictures that need to be printed and organi ed. Baby steps. A little at a time.

23. Learn to wear make up -I am almost 50 and have not mastered this. I feel like if I am going to be bald at least My make up should be on point.

24. Family photo shoot - Tori has been adopted two and a half years and we have no professional photos of all of us.

25. Take a week end trip by myself first class - Mamma needs to go away alone and refill her cup.

26. Write down everything I eat and all of the money I spend everyday. If I write it down I will be more aware.

27. Read 50 books in a year - That's one book a week. The library is my friend.

28. Pay off all debt except my house - This is actually one of the more doable things on the list. I just have to stop wasting money and be consistent.

29. Have a free garage sale- I have a lot of stuff I never use. There are people who dont have anything. I am going to have a free garage sale and give away items I dont want. I will collect donations from others as well to give away.

30. Make a Facebook match up game - I have friends on Facebook who I know would get along smashingly. My idea is to introduce these friends.

31.Have a family day one Saturday a month - One Saturday a moth have an outing with all the kids.

32. Increase my retirement - I am getting old. I need to contribute more than 1% to my retirement.

33. Have a date night with each kid once a month - An at home date night. Like make a giant fort night or glow in the dark night. Everyone can participate. But who evers night it is can help plan and organi e it.

34. Shoot a gun - I am not a gun enthusiast.I don't want to own one. My friend Christy tells me that shooting a gun is better than sex. I'd like to see for myself.

35. Watch no tv except on Sundays- I waste too much time binge watching shows on netflix. I can watch tv on Sunday night.

36. Celebrate international mud day - Come to my house on international  mud day in June and find us painting with mud, sliding in mud. Having mud fights. Wear your old clothes though. We plan to get messy.

37. Celebrate Christmas in July - July 25, 2020. Dollar store gifts. Turkey and dressing, Christmas music, news paper snow balls.

38. Lemonade Project - If you know me at all you know this project is close to my heart. I want to start a non profit organi ation called the Lemonade Project. The goal is to mentor parents in the foster care system. I have stopped and started this a lot of time. Mainly because I don't have a lot of confidence in myself. But it is always on my mind. The time is ripe.

39. Redecorate my house - I have decorated my home the same way for the past 30 years. lots of antique pictures. I love them. But I want a change. I want more kitchy stuff. Things that reflect me.

40. Go to my primary care doctor - I havent been to the doctor in a long time. need blood work and a referral for that leg thing.

 41. Hire a maid - Just twice a month or so. To do the things I never do. Like mop and stuff and make my trash can all shiny.

42. Hire my cousin to paint a portrait of my dog - My cousin's daughter is a wonderful artist and paints portraits of dogs. I need a painting of Walter.

43. Special project - This one is too personal to share

44. Plan a week end trip with my friend Sam for our birthday - My friend Sam is ama ing. She listens to me whine. She loans me a few bucks when I am poor. She never jusdges me for my poor decisions and she laughes at my cra y stories. Our birthdays are in September. So we should go on a week end get away.

45. Have a fabulous Christmas- Christmas stresses me out as a mom. I like the 4th of July. Nobody ever has to take out a second job for the 4th of July. You just show up at your uncle Jimmy's house and eat hot dogs and watch fire works and go home. No stress. This year I will not stress about making Christmas perfect. I want to enjoy my family this year instead of worry that its not good enough.

46. Read the entire Bible in a year - I have a one year Bible divided into days. Each day a passage from Old testament, new Testament, Psalms, Proverbs. Once I read the whole bible in a month. I can do it in a year.

47. Take a walk once a week - One day a week lace up my shoes and take a walk with my kids ( and eventually my dog if he learns to behave)

48. Random act of kindness once a week - Sound so cheesy but its not hard to do something nice for someone once a week.

49. Take a picture of myself everyday for a year - Just an interesting idea.

50. Have a fabulous 50th birthday party Saturday September 25th, 2020 - You are all invited. I love parties. I'm going to do it up big y'all.