Here we go y'all!

Hi Y'all. It's house cleaning time. Not the literal house. Although that could use a good scrub and shine as well. No, I mean my life house. Things are getting pretty messy up in here and my affairs need some attention. You know how it is. A milestone birthday approaches. You start thinking about where you thought you would be in life and suddenly you get reflective. Y'all, I am going to be forty in six months! Now I am not talking mid life crisis. I had that at twenty-five. I am secure in who I am and who God is and where I stand in this world. I have two beautiful boys that are everything to me. I have allot of good stuff going on but some things are askew. I would be less than honest if I said my life was on track. In fact some days it seems I am in the ditch. I have learned from years past that when things are not going according to plan sometimes it is time to change the plan. I am also not so vain as to think lasting, deep change is possible for me with out God. I need him every step. Sometimes when I say I am going to clean up what I mean is I am going to straighten up. I am going to move things around and put stuff back where it goes (or at least where no one else can see it). I am going to make it look better. Nothing wrong with that. It serves it's purpose and makes me feel better. But it is not the same and real deep cleaning. I mean elbow grease and getting behind the furniture and stepping into the closet from hell and shining the light on all the crap you forgot was in there. Thowin' out the trash and restoring things that have been lost. I am ready to work y'all and to let God work in me. If you are anything like me you make these grand resolutions to change and then you get lazy. On day one it seems like such a great idea. By the end of the week you start thinking "are things really that bad? This seems like a lot of effort." By week two you are back to your old habits. So I am trying to keep myself motivated. I like to read other peoples blogs. I tend to read blogs of others who are interested in the same things that I am. Foster care and adoption, Jesus music, great books, healthy eating etc. What I usually end up reading are the blogs of Christian foster mom's who home school, have several children, run a business from home, have a huge organic garden, have a loving relationship with someone who could qualify as spouse of the year, feed there kids only the best foods, seem very organized and have the cutest blogs ever. I like to read these blogs because I like to think it is possible to balance all of the things that you are passionate about and look great doing it. This however is not one of those blogs. I am a regular girl who is over weight, with a struggling marriage, a home to keep, and lots of ideas about what I want to do with my life but not much motivation or confidence to get it done. Like so many, I feel a little stuck. So here begins a chronicle of my journey to live life and not just hang on for another day and hope for the best. My rules: 1. Total honesty. I'm not holding back y'all. I'm gonna' tell the truth and shame the Devil. 2. Write everyday. This will keep me from forgetting about my resolutions and falling back. 3. Forget about what others think. I have trouble with spelling and punctuation and grammar. That is the way my dyslexic mind works. In the past when people have pointed out my errors I quit. Not this time. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind a little ribbing if some mistake strikes you funny but don't send me corrected versions of my blog. I don't care. So here we go y'all. Buckle up. You never know where adventure might take you.