Day 937 : Just Keep Swimming

Here I am y'all. I know y'all been wondering where I am. I am here. First let me answer the burning questions. Yes I am still fat. Okay I am a little less fat. I have been working really hard to eat healthy food and plan my meals. Sometimes I do such a good job at it I think I should take my show on the road and shout it to the world. Hey world! I can cook healthy good tasting food and I am losing weight every week! Yipee y'all! Then other times like today I drag my tired butt to the fridge and just eat. I eat stuff that is not so good and I don't feel like shouting to the world any more. I have lost about 30 pounds in all and it feels really good that my pants are too big and my face is a little thinner. The difference now is when I mess up I seem to be able to recover faster and I have hope that I won't always be this way, that I am a work in progress, that if I keep at it I can make it a life style and not a passing trend. So y'all I am just going to keep trying. I fall down seven times, I get up eight times. Or something like that that I read on someones face book page. I know the other question that y'all are wanting to know. You do too. You want to know how the Wart is. Well first off I have decided not to call him a wart any more. Forgiveness has taken root in me y'all. Not lip service forgiveness y'all. Real deep down the past is gone and I don't hold it against you any more forgiveness. So I have decided not to name my cat after him and not to call him names and to extend kindness to him when ever possible. And y'all it has set me free from a prison of hate. It is a good feeling. And then something happened. His relationship ended with his girl friend. All of the sudden he is in a vulnerable place. He is saying he is sorry for things that happened in our divorce. He is emotional and lost. When I was all bound up in hate I would have been doing a happy dance and been so happy that karma finally bit him in the back side. But now I don't feel gleeful at all. I feel sad for him. Don't mistake me. We will never be together again. I have not taken leave of my senses. But y'all that feeling of "ha, ha, ha you get what you deserve and you can go to hell with gasoline underwear" is just gone. And I am glad ya'll. It frees me up to do other stuff with my life. Y'all if you have unforgiveness in your heart for someone it is time to let it go. Just drop it and leave it where it lands. You will feel so much better. I promise.