1. Ted talk- The theme of my future Ted Talk is “Change Your Mind” I am so curious about resilience and retraining of the brain, the role of failure in success, grit, and so much more. I want to talk about and explore how people get unstuck, so to speak. If you have stories about overcoming adversity or personal growth, light bulb moments in your life, people or experiences that opened the door to breakthrough and change in your life I’d love to hear them. I’m reading and researching and listening. What I have learned: change is possible. But it is rarely quick or easy.
2. Carl Jensen - You remember my idea to write letters to all of the people I could find and ask them to share something about themselves. I wanted to explore how people with the same name are alike and different. It’s not going so well. There is just no way to send a stranger a letter and convey that you are not weird but also ask them to tell you about themselves. My first Carl Jensen letter happened to be to a Carl Jensen who was already my Facebook friend. He promptly unfriended me. Me second letter went unanswered. I took a break after that because I couldn’t think of a different way to say the same thing in a nonstalkerish way. However, I was watching a tv documentary and I saw a private investigator on the show named Carl Jensen! I found my self alone at 11pm on my couch yelling “Carl Jensen! It’s Carl Jensen! What I have learned: Most people are not as open and trusting as I assumed they would be. Everyone is not like me.
3. Welcome bags - so far three people have generously donated to my welcome bag project. Since the holidays are over I’m going to put the request out there again with help to fill 50 bags before September 28 2020. This is so doable. Stay tuned for pictures and updates. What I have learned: Helping feels good.
4. Home Improvement- With the help of my friend Steven I have been able to tackle a few jobs. But there is so much to do around here. So I decided to hire a handy man. I have a list of things for him to do, I made an appointment with him to come over and get started. Sad face- he never showed up. Turns out he quit working for the handy man service and I was left high and dry. I’m not giving up though. Monday morning I’m going to call the service and get someone else. Time to make this place shine. What I have learned: It takes time to undo years of neglect. To our homes, bodies, relationships. Also i need a boyfriend who can build and fix things
5. Weight loss- oh y'all. keto was not working for me. I just could not sustain it for very long. I was on it and off it every few weeks with very little results. When I went to my agency’s annual lunch I saw my friend Rachel looking all skinny and cute and I told her I wasn’t sure we could still be friends. She told me of a new diet that she was on called Bright line eating. No sugar, not even fake sugar. No flour. Not even nut flour. Three meals a day. No snacks. And weigh you food. I bought the book. I got myself a pressure cooker and a digital scale. It’s been 17 days and I have lost 10 pounds. It has not been easy. I miss my coffee with more sugar and cream than coffee. But I feel SO much better. More energy. Sleeping better at night. I’m hungry at meal times. Food tastes better. I have 40 more pounds to go before I’m back to my ideal weight. I’ll keep you posted. What I have learned: You can start over from where you are. You can start over as many times as it takes. Fall down 7 times. Get up 8
6. Shave my head- No one is on board with this idea. People keep trying to walk me back. “Maybe try a short hair cut first. Don’t do anything drastic” But by cracky it’s my head and I’ll be drastic if I want. I was so inspired by an article I read about Ricki Lake buzzing her hair and how freeing it was for her. It may not be attractive. But it’s hair. It will grow back. May 30. I’m doing it. What I have learned: Coloring outside the lines makes people uncomfortable.
7. Beach vacation- My friend Lorrie S. Recently returned from a trip exactly like the one I want to take with the kids. She said it was amazing. I only have three more summers with my big boys. Less than that when you think of jobs and cars and girls and activities. I am willing to invest my tax return to make some wonderful memories relaxing and having fun. Can’t wait until June, What I have learned: The days go slowly but the years go fast. Drink it up.
8. Save money every month - I feel like I’m going in reverse on this goal. Zero dollars have been saved so far. I need more help. It’s not that I’ve been impulsively spending. But shit costs money. And I suck at money management. I have made some strides. I set up all of my bills to be auto drafted from my account. I’m eating out less (not at all since I changed my diet). I’m tracking my spending. But dang it I always end up behind the eight ball. Time to re-evaluate. What I have learned: If it’s not in your wheel house there is no shame in asking for help.
9. Cards and letters - My goal is to send a letter a week to friends and loved ones. I love sitting down every Sunday night and giving special thought to the person who’s name is in front of me. My 50 favorite people make my life rich and beautiful. I love them. And it is a pleasure to put my love for them on paper and launch it across time and distance. If you haven’t gotten yours yet your turn is coming or else I don’t have your address. So far I’m on track with 17 letters. What I have learned: The post office doesn’t like shiny envelopes. People need to hear what they mean to you. Even if you think they already know.
10. Teeth - Dadgum y’all. Why is dental care so expensive. Even with dental insurance these dental bills are cleaning my clock. Worth it though. I like these teeth and I want to keep them. So far I’ve had six appointments to address my dental health. One more appointment and this goal Will be complete. In the books. Done like dinner. Here is what I learned from the dentist. I’m a gagger. Also sometimes things you have been really afraid of turn out to be not nearly as scary as you thought.
11. Train Walter- Walter is becoming more manageable the older he gets. But he’s still so territorial. And he can appear to be very scary. Even though he’s a giant baby. I signed him up for naughty dog class three times and had to reschedule because of a blizzard. I’m waiting until the spring to reschedule. But we will get it done. What I’ve learned: I never thought I could love a dog so much. I’ve never been good with pets. I never liked it (still don’t) when people call their pets children. But I understand it now. Walter is family.
12. Friend party- Guest list is complete. Invites go out next month. It’s going to be so fun y’all. What I have learned: Friends are the family you choose. We are all busy. We all have lives. But we must take time to tend the garden of friendship.
13. Take vitamins everyday- I cannot even tell you what a difference this has made in my life. Since I’ve started taking vitamins to address my low iron and low vitamin d and a few others, my mood has stabilized. I feel good. What I have learned. Little habits everyday add up to big changes over time.
14. Fix Legs - I had my leg surgery done on two different days. The first day the woman I call purple nurse was in charge. She was amazing. She told me everything that would happen. She gave me heated blankets and held my hand through the painful parts. She checked on me. She took care when she bandaged my leg (in purple gauze). She checked on me in every way and took care of me. The second day purple nurse was gone and blue nurse was in charge. She seemed distant and distracted. She forgot the blankets. She never asked me how I was or talked to me about what would happen. During the painful parts she seemed unconcerned. She quickly wrapped my legs up (in blue gauze) in a haphazard manner. She never told me of my follow up appointment and rushed me out the door. I don't know what was going on in blue nurses life. It was the day before thanksgiving. Maybe she was distracted. Maybe this wasn't her regular assignment. All I know is that my purple leg healed faster and better than my blue leg. They both healed and both legs are doing great. But the blue one took a lot longer. What I learned: Be like the purple nurse. Give it all you've got. Strive for excellence in everything you do. Little details make a difference.
15. Blog - I want to blog every week. Tuesday is my day. I want to practice writing and get better at it. But I struggle with finding time. Next week I am going to try some video blogging. I'm messing around with my other blog. I'll get it right. The important thing right now is to get back into a routine. What I have learned: I'm not sure. Except that these blog posts are too long. No one has time to read them but I am writing for myself right now. I'll revise and refine later. It's ok.
16. Book - I intend to write a book. 50x50. Deep dives into the list and stories that from my experiences. Every day I have been writing down ideas and stories in what I call my red books. Notes thoughts, narrative about my life. What I have learned: There is a reason I never shut up. I have a lot to say.
17. Organize cabinets, drawers and closets. I have organized the kitchen, laundry room, my room and my closet and my bathroom. In a short amount of time all of the places that I have organized have become just as disorganized as they were before. The kitchen cabinets are the only thing that have stayed neat and organized. I find this frustrating. I live with little mess makers and I am also a mess maker. Our brains are not adapted to organization. We like it when we see it but we struggle to maintain it. What I have learned: Organization is not an event its a lifestyle. Also I have too much stuff.
18. Volksmarch- The fall Volksmarch for 2020 is in September near my birthday. I intend to be there. I have added stretches to my daily exercise routine. Exercise combined with weight loss and over all health should prepare me. I did it before. I can do it again. Go me. What I learned: Little habits yield big results ( I know that's a repeat but its true)
19. Buy a bike- I saw the bike I want to buy. I looked it up on line. I found the store that sells them. When nice weather arrives (that is really anybody's guess in South Dakota) I will have my bike. Funny story. I saw the bike chained up to the bike rack at the high school. Michael said the words I was thinking. Who rides a bike like that to school through the snow in the middle of winter in South Dakota to get to high school? A bad ass. That's who. What I have learned: You will find what you are looking for if you keep your eyes open.
20. One pin from pintrest posted on facebook everyday- When I started I thought about all of the pins I have posted on Pintrest and never looked at again or shared. I decide to pick one each day to share for a laugh or inspiration or instruction. Turns out most of my pins are not pinteresting to me anymore. So I have just been posting what I steal from other people. That works too. What I learned: People like to laugh.
21. Exercise 30 minutes everyday- This has been difficult. With the holidays and my leg surgery and me being lazy and everything. At first I was trying to run on my treadmill every night. But I just couldn't make myself want to do it. So I started jumping rope. In the kitchen. Its been going pretty good. I can jump about 150 times now instead of 4. That's a big improvement. What I have learned: Keep trying even if you suck. You will get better.
22. Print pictures and do something with them - But what? I want to have them off of my devices so I don't lose them. But I don't want to store them or put them in albums that take up so much room. I am not scrap bookey or crafty. I have started making photo books from walgreens. Super easy to do on line. Really easy to store and the kids love looking at them. What I have learned: Some day all our devices will be gone by the wayside. I don't want my memories to be gone with them.
23. Make over at a make up store- Y'all I went to the Ulta store down the street from my house and I paid $60 for a make over so I could watch the lady's tricks and see what she did. Oww wee y'all she was grouchy because I wouldn't let her "clean up" my eye brows. I was born with these eye brows and I am keeping them. Kiss my grits. She just would not let it go. And she was cranky. I don't think she liked it when my friend Heather made me laugh and made lipstick zip up my face. But bonus I found out Ulta sells Babyfeet, my favorite foot exfoliator. Later my friend Christon did my make up at her Mary Kay party and it looked 10 times better and she didn't even yell at me for not cleaning up my eye brows. What I learned: These eye brows are nobody's business.
24. Family Photos - I have scheduled to have this done on February 17th. I want it to be fun and wacky like my family and I want to include Walter. What I have learned: You are lucky in life if your best friend is a photographer.
25. Weekend get away- I am learning to enjoy my own company. I am discovering that I don't like to be alone. I am other focused to the detriment of myself. So in April I am going somewhere not to far but not tooo close (Maybe Minneapolis?) By myself. For reflection and retreat. What I have learned: Don't be scared to walk alone. Don't be scared to like it. (Those are John Mayer's words. But they apply)
26. Write down all my food and money every day- This has become an important morning routine for me. I write down every day what I commit to eating that day and I eat only those things and nothing else. I write down my bank balance every day and what I commit to spend every day. I haven't been so good at sticking to the commitment to spend only this amount and nothing more. But as I said shit is expensive. What I have learned: Planning makes all the difference.
27. Read 50 books- I love to read other peoples stories. So I printed off a list of every book in the Rapid City Public Library that has the word memoir in the title. Then I picked 50 that I want to read. So far I have read 14 books. I have read some amazing stories of hope and resilience. I read about Cupcake Brown who used to be a crack addict and is now an attorney and motivational speaker. I read about David Crow who lived through incredible abuse and poverty and is a lobbyist. I read about a man in prison who met people with leprosy that taught him lessons he would never have learned on the outside. I love books. I also read some books I hated. What I learned: Sometimes its not your book. Its not for you. And you know it doesn't speak to you. Don't waste another minute reading the wrong book. Find your kind of books. Don't waste another minute on the wrong relationship, job, interest whatever it is that does not light you on fire. you don't have to feel guilty for saying you are not for me.
28. Pay off all debt except the house- This is a kin to my other goal of saving every month. I've been spinning my wheels and it feels like I am backwards on this. But, I have a plan. Check me in September and see if it works What I have learned: Not a damn thing so far.
29. Free Garage sale- Of course I have to wait until the weather is nice. But I have a box of stuff going and some ideas of other stuff. If you want to donate to the free garage sale to get rid of some crap and help others out who need crap let me know. What I have learned: We are over burdened by our attachment to things. Its ok to let stuff go. Even if you have had it for a long time. Let it gooo.
30. Facebook match up- The other day my sister Julie called me and she said she was in bizzareo world. The pasture of her church, who lives in Texas, was Facebook friends with one of her high school classmates ,who lives in Washington DC and they were talking to each other. I squealed "it worked! Facebook introductions worked! Two people I introduced became friends!" My friend Andrew still thinks I'm weird. He is not wrong. But it is really fun to pick two random people who don't know each other and think about what they have in common. I'm going to keep it up. Who knows you might be next. What I learned: I am a uniter. Not a divider.
31. Family day once a month- I am so tired of week ends being house work days. So once a month we are blowing this popsicle stand and doing something away. We have been as close as the library and as far away as Sioux Falls. Who knows what adventure awaits us when the weather allows. What I have learned: House work can wait. Get outside.
32. Increase my retirement- I have done it. Paper work complete. Money being saved. What I have learned: If I can use the senior discount at burger king I can save for retirement.
33. Date night with each kid- This is the best idea I have ever had. We have had a dance party, arcade night, bowling, indoor camp out is coming up, minute to win it games, make your own pizza, snowball fight, giant fort, home movie theater with tickets and concessions. They look forward to it and plan for it all week. What I have learned: You don't have to spend a lot of money to be creative and have fun.
34. Shoot a gun- My friend Christy is going to go with me to the shooting range. It looks like Tuesday is ladys night. I'm kind of scared. But I think it will be fun. What I have learned: It's ok to try new things.
35. No TV except on Saturday- I was doing so good. And then I started bing watching reruns of How I met Your Mother on Hulu. Dang it. When I went back to only watching on Saturday I noticed what a difference it made in my time management and my sleep. TV is a time sucker. Even if I tell myself I will only watch it at the end of the day it still steals time away from other things. And I stay up too late and fall asleep in front of the tv and wake up exhausted the next day. When I only watch on Saturday night I am more selective about what I watch and I enjoy it more. With todays tv on demand and streaming services your shows will be there for you later. There is no reason to be a slave to the tv. What I learned: Once again little habits make a big difference.
36. Celebrate international mud day- Find us in June covered in mud. More to come. What have I learned: Make your own fun.
37. Christmas in July- I have started to buy a few things at the dollar store every week to make it fun. Michael mentioned the other day how much fun it was a few years ago when we did it. Making memories. What I learned:
38. Lemonade project- This idea for a parent mentoring program has been on my heart for a long time. I have wanted to start a nonprofit organization. Sometimes you have to bloom where you are planted and practice and hone your skills. I have been reading and researching. Yesterday I sent my big boss an email saying that I would love to see our agency launch a specialized parent mentoring program. That it is my belief that addressing challenges in the home leads to better behavior outcomes in the classroom and that the keys to resilience and change are rooted in relationship and community. I told him that I would love to brain storm with him and I would welcome to opportunity to be involved. Who knows if that ever becomes a reality. But its worth a shot. What I have learned: Taking a risk is scary. But the only fail is a no try.
39. Redecorate the house- If you have ever seen my house you know I have a lot of pictures. I am just ready for a change. I took all the pictures down and boxed them up. Its like looking at a blank canvas. The word kitchy keeps coming to mind. What I have learned: Its ok to be different than you used to be.
40. Go to the primary care doctor- I did. Got my blood work and my referrals. All good. What I learned: I am worth taking care of.
41. Hire a maid- I got the job. i'm hired. Seriously I cant spend the money on a maid. I'm working on being better at it myself. I don't like it but I'm the only one who can take care of my house work problem. So I'm reading about house cleaning hacks and trying my best. And I am trying to teach my kids. The dish washer is broken and I don't mind letting it stay broken for now because washing dishes builds character. What I learned: The windows in my house pop out for easy cleaning. I learned this after I have lived here ten years.
42. Have Melissa paint Walter- My cousins daughter, Melissa lives in New Orleans and she is a fabulous artist. She paints pet portraits. originally I wanted her to paint a picture of Walter. Eventually I still want to do that. But my sister Julie has this great old dog named Sam. He is a hound dog near the end of his life. When I told Julie about Walter's picture she said she wished she could do something like that for Sam before he died. My sister is one of the most selfless people I have ever met. She always puts herself at the back of the line. Husband, kids, grand kids, family, friends always come first. She is the kind of lady that you can be sure is always hitting her knees praying for you and your family. Julie is one of a kind. I decided to ask Mellissa to paint Sam right now instead of Walter. I'm sending the money on Friday so let the painting begin. What I have learned: Nobody loves you like a sister.
43. Moving on and Getting over- That is the title of a John Mayer song But it is also something I have needed to do for a long time. If you know me you know. But its complicated. Matters of the heart often are. In the words of Forest Gump That's all I have to say about that. What I have learned: So many things that I could write an entire book just about this by itself.
44. Weekend trip with Sam- My friend Sam is the kind of person that takes a week to return a phone call but will drop everything and come when you need her. And when she does return that call she will listen to all your whining and complaining and never judge you for your stupid mistakes. She showed up when my son tried to kill himself and sat with me in the hospital. His own dad wasn't there but my faithful friend Sam was there. She is the best kind of friend. Our birthdays are in September so we are going away for the week end. Maybe Denver? Plans in the works. What I have learned: Pay attention to who is there for you when the chips are down and you are not your best self. Those are your people.
45. Fabulous Christmas- Did I over spend for Christmas? You bet your butt I did. Was everything perfect? No it was not. But it was still one of the best Christmases in recent memory. We had fun. Minutes before we were to leave for the Polar Express we had a major bathroom flood. I'm talking water poring thru the down stairs light fixture bad kind of flood. But we still made it to the Polar Express train and had an amazing time. Christmas Morning the little girl announces her head really, really itches and on the most joyous day of the year when all the stores are closed It was discovered that she had head lice. These things are unavoidable. But they did not steal out joy. What I learned Happy does not mean perfect.
46. Read My One Year Bible Every day- One day you might come to a place where you question everything you ever knew about God. I hope if this happens to you that you go back to square one. Start over at the beginning. Read that Bible all over again with fresh eyes. Ask God tough questions. I hope you read even if you think you are the worst sinner. Even if you don't get it all. I read at the kitchen table. Sometimes the kids ask me to read aloud and we talk about it. Sometimes I read alone in the quiet predawn hours. I don't have all the answers but I notice somethings I didn't notice before. and I find comfort in the words. What I have learned: Even the biggest heroes in the Faith are screw ups. They mess up all the time. All is not lost.
47. Take a walk once a week- No walks have been taken. It is January in South Dakota. But we have had nice days. Still no walks. I even thought about walking at the mall. No go. I don't know why I hate to walk. What I have learned: Sometimes you just aren't going to do it.
48. Random act of Kindness- Every week I cant think of one kind thing to do and every week an unexpected opportunity presents itself. Pay someone's water bill, give a homeless guy food. Go out of your way to give someone a ride. Answer anger with kindness. Chances are all around us to be kind. We just need to be aware. What I have learned: If you look for opportunities to be kind you will find them.
49. Take a picture everyday- Some days I do not feel like taking my picture at all. I feel gross or tired. I take the picture anyway. Some days I feel silly. Some days todays picture looks exactly like yesterdays picture and it reminds me how mundane and dull life can seem. But I take the picture every day. What I have learned: I spend most of my time in my chair at work, in the car, or laying down on the couch.
50. 50th birthday party- I plan to begin really planning the party at the half way point of 50x50. March 28th. You are all invited. I'll send you an invitation. Even you who lives so far away. You better start saving for your plane ticket because I want you here. Music, food, fun, games. Lets do it.
Dear Hoddie, you are a great writer.
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